What I really meant to say
by calin-durus
Summary: inspired by Cyndi Thomson's "What I really meant to say" ExB POV changes between the two. All HUMAN! My first attempt at a one shot.


Okay so I thought of this while listening to Cyndi Thomson's "What I really meant to say"… I'm new with the one shots, and don't know what standard is as far as classifications but this is ExB and All Human….

**Disclaimer:** the characters mentioned are property of Stephenie Meyers, not infringement intended; merely a "what if "situation. Enjoy!

[EPOV]

Today would have been our second wedding anniversary. I dreaded coming to this empty house, not hearing her laugh carry musically through out the house as she listened to her mom's latest blunders in life, not smelling the delicious food that would cook, claiming that it was nothing when clearly she put great effort into it. I hated going to our room… my room, at night and not have her next to me.

Not a day goes by when I don't think of my angel, my Bella.

We were high school sweethearts, as my mom had called it. We meet when she first moved to forks our junior year. From the first time I saw her I knew she was my soul mate, the one that makes me whole, the one that I would die for, and spend my day loving forever.

I shuffle my feet to my room, remembering her smile, her chocolate brown eyes and how they always showed nothing but love, the way her hair looked in the morning always disheveled and unruly.

Tonight was going to be difficult. Tonight my sister was having a party to celebrate the announcement of her and her husband's upcoming bundle of joy. I loved Alice and Jasper dearly, and I am very happy for them, but this night would be the first time I will have seen Bella in two years.

Having already taken a shower at the gym, I decided to get my clothes together so that I could change into something a little more appropriate. I looked at my bed, over whelmed by sadness and longing. I still had the quilt she had bought from a little thrift store in Port Angeles. I threw my self down in it, desperately trying to keep the tears from falling.

I needed to prepare myself for this. My sister had assured me that she was happy in her life now. But I secretly wished that tonight would be the night that she comes back to me.

I reached into a drawer by the bed and pulled out a picture frame. This frame was one of those collage frames that held multiple pictures. My fingers traced over the lettering on the bottom. _Forever yours_. This was a valentine's gift from Bella, shortly after we were engaged. I smiled as I thought back to the memories each picture held. Our first date with my family; she was wearing my ratty San Francisco Giants baseball cap, her smile stretched wide across her face, my head rested on her shoulder mirroring her smile. She fought with me about going, sports had never been her thing, but in the end she wanted to be with me and my family.

All ways putting the needs of others first. That was Bella's strongest characteristic.

The second picture made me chuckle at the look on her face. Our prom. She was so livid with me for making her not only go to prom, but having to do it in a walking cast –an injury she had accrued while tripping over her stairs= which she later told me she loved that night, because I held her close all night.

The third picture was one that I took of just her. We had gone on a picnic to our meadow. The way that the sun had shown on us that day was magnificent, and with the soft breeze blowing her soft brown hair around her, made this picture show what she truly was. An angel, my angel.

The last picture, the biggest in the set was us again. She was sitting in my lap laughing at my brother's jokes, while I held her hand to my mouth, kissing her engagement ring. This particular picture was taken soon after we announced the engagement.

I held the frame to my chest as if I was hugging her. Is this what it felt like to go through with drawls? I remember telling her that she was my brand of heroin and I meant it.

"Where did we go wrong?" I asked to no one.

That had been the question that plagued me for years. One day we were blissfully happy, weeks from the wedding, completely engulfed in our own version of a modern day love story; and the next day she was gone, all that was left behind was a not saying that she couldn't do this.

With a heavy sigh, I sat up and put the frame away. Then I began to get ready for Alice and Jasper's party.

As always, my little sister out did her self with this party. Give her a reason and she would find away to celebrate, which given her profession of party planning, wasn't a bad thing.

I took a deep breath as I made my way to the house. I could immediately hear my brother, Emmett, booming laugh, followed by the distinct squeal of my sister-in-law Rosalie. These sounds brought pure joy to my saddened heart; I couldn't help but smile a little.

Before I even reached the door it swung up open, and a furry of a small woman with black hair came flying at me.

"Edward!" Alice squealed as she jumped into my arms for a hug. I chuckled, giving her a kiss on the top of her head, and set her down.

"She's here… are you going to be okay?" Alice looked at me, the worry clearly in her eyes. I couldn't even fathom how she must being feeling. Her best friend broke her brother's heart, but she still loved us both.

"I'm a Cullen, I'll survive." I tried my best to give her a convincing smile. "Besides, this is for you and Jazz." With the Alice smiled, took my hand, and lead me into the house.

I was great full that this party was relatively small. Along with my brother and his wife, I found my parents, a few of Jasper's work friends, and Chief Swan. I knew I was trying to tell myself that I wasn't looking for her, but who the hell was I kidding, I desperately needed to see her, make sure she was truly happy. I started to get a bit panicky, thinking that she was hiding from me. The last time I had any contact with her, she had told me that she just didn't feel ready for marriage and a family. That she needed to live. As heart broken as I had been, I was glad to have a reason finally.

I was brought out of my thoughts by a soft touch on my shoulder, shooting an electric current through my body.

"Hi Edward."

[BPOV]

I stood against the counter, gently holding my drink, when I noticed Alice dragging him in. I tried my best not to let my jaw drop at the sight of him. My heart skipped a few beats but regained its normal rhythm. Edward was just the way I remembered him. I smiled as I saw his fingers unconsciously ran through his wild bronze hair. I used to marvel at how perfect his hair looked, even if it looked like he just got done having a few rolls in the bed. His smile, as crooked as it was, still managed to make my heart race, and his eyes, even with me being on the other side of the room; were still a piercing green. But they seemed, tired, worried, and hurt.

I felt a pain in my heart just from looking at his eyes, as if some on was twisting the knife that had been permanently lodged in there, as was twisting it. I knew instantly I was the one to cause this hurt in his eyes. I swore that I couldn't live with out him, and then I left him.

I watched him as he seemed to study the room, taking inventory of all that was here. I noticed that he didn't look in my direction. Had Alice told him where I was, so now he was avoiding me?

Then his eyes reflected sadness, his eyebrows knitting together. Was he looking for me? I decided to go to him.

By the time I got to him, he had his back to me. To say that I was nervous was an understatement. I glanced over in the direction my best friend, the one that was always there for me, treated me like a sister from the beginning; only to be hurt as badly as Edward was. Alice looked over at me and smiled, taking her hand into Jasper's; who nodded encouragingly to me.

And with that I found my courage, and gently placed my hand on his shoulder. I could feel a charge run from my fingers tips all the way to my toes. A familiar feeling, a feeling I had every time he touched me.

"Hello Edward" I said surprised I could find my voice.

He turned to me; his emerald eyes searched mine and seemed guarded. Not that I could blame him, after all I was the one that "ripped his heart out.

"Bella" He said softly, I could tell he was trying to find his voice. I was trying to think of something to do; I desperately needed to talk to him. I wanted to tell him the truth, I needed to tell him. Then the best idea I could think of popped into my head.

"Can I have this dance?" I asked as confidently as I could, wondering if he still couldn't resist giving me what I wanted. I saw the corner of his lips twitch fighting back a smile, obviously he hadn't forgotten my lack of coordination and how much I loathed dancing, well I didn't loath it so much if I was in his arms.

He nodded, and proceeded to lead me through the house to the back porch; his hand behind me, but not touching my back. Once out side we just stood there. My eyes adjusting to the sight of him. Even though it had been two years since I've seen him, he still managed to make my heart stop at his inhuman beauty. His eyes, the emerald green that loved, and longed to have look at me, still resembled those of the seventeen year old I fell in love with. And then I caught myself staring at his lips, memories of his full lips crushing mine in passion flooded me, making my knees weak. His chuckle brought me out of my stupor.

"A dance with no music?" He mused, his face showing my favorite crooked smile. And then as if on cue, music wafted from inside the house.

"There we go" He said softly, taking my hand, pulling me closer so we can dance. I cursed internally at Alice for picking the song. A country song that I was too familiar with, lyrics about being close to her one true love and not saying the things she wanted to say to him.

[EPOV]

My mind was racing as I pulled her close to me. The sweet song of longing for a love lost crooning out to us from inside. I was surprised that it was a country song, something Alice wasn't found of, but at that moment I was grateful that Jasper was from Texas, and obviously influenced this choice of music.

Bella looked nervous as we danced. I wasn't sure if it because of our embrace, or the music. I smirked, the one thing that drove me crazy, almost to the brink of insanity, was not being able to read her as well as I could with others. So I decided to make conversation. This possibly being the last time I see her, it felt right to just hear her talk.

"So how's Phoenix?" I asked, remembering that Alice had informed me that she moved back after she left Forks.

"It was hot and sunny." Her face made a cute little pout after she answered.

"I thought you missed the sun and the heat that Phoenix had to offer?"

"I did…" Her thoughts seemed to be jumbled. "How have you been?"

"Fine" I lied, "You."

"Good" She chewed on her lip. "Are you still at the vet's office?"

I nodded.

"You always had a thing for animals," she laughed "especially mountain lions."

"And lambs" I teased, remembering once calling her my lamb.

"I bet your girlfriend is happy." She said almost pained

"Well I guess you can say that." I looked down at her to gage her reaction. She was chewing on her bottom lip.

"Of course, dating is out of the question when your career is your girlfriend." She seemed please at this. Odd, she was the one that left me.

"Yea, you were always headstrong, when committed to something you stuck with it." She commented softly. I felt chills run through my spine as her fingers gently brushed the hair on the back of my head.

"What about you? Are you committed to anything?" Or anyone for that matter?

"Just making sure that Charlie eats edible food, and to my photography." Wait, did she just imply that she is back in Forks? I went to press the matter, but was cut off by someone clearing their throat. We both looked to see Charlie, Bella's dad, standing in the door way.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I need to head back bells. I've got to be in court in the morning." And with this Bella was no longer in my arms, making my heart sink. She walked over to Charlie, glancing back at me.

"It was good to see you again Edward" And with that she was gone again.

I remained at Alice and Jasper's for a few more hours, avoiding going to the empty house.

"You know you are welcome to stay here Edward." Jasper said quietly, placing his hand on my shoulder and I watched my mother and sisters make plans for a baby shower.

"No it's okay Jasper. Thank you, but I need to go sleep in my bed, big day tomorrow."

"Oh that's right, your first day as Dr. Cullen!" He grinned at me congratulatory.

This caught my father's attention. My father was a doctor in the small hospital, and had often joked about me joining him a private practice. But after discovering my aversions to human blood, I took up veterinary medicine.

"You passed!" My father said joyfully, hugging me close in his arms. It had slipped my mind that I didn't tell my parents yet about my passing of the medical review board.

"Yea," I grinned, feeling younger for some reason. "I'm now officially Doctor in Veterinary Medicine. I get my DVM license in a few days, but I already of the numbers and such."

This seemed to be another reason for my family to celebrate. And finally at a little past midnight I was pulling up to my house. I hadn't even noticed the familiar old red, and rust covered pick up in the drive way until I went back to my car for my forgotten cell.

"Bella?" I knew if she was here, she wouldn't hear me. I looked at the house, all the lights were off. I walked up to the door, reaching under the eve for the key – a habit I had picked up from Bella - and opened the door.

I briefly run around the house, calling her name. Who am I kidding? She's not here. Maybe she came over and when I wasn't here called Charlie to pick her up.

I sighed, the song we danced to still ran through my head.

_It took me by surprise_

_When I saw you standin' there_

_Close enough to touch_

_Breathin' the same air_

_You asked me how I'd been_

_I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine_

_Oh, but baby I was lyin'_

I sighed. As much as I would hate to admit to Jasper, those country songs sure could hit the nail on the head.

I decided to go to bed, un-tucking my shirt as I walked to the bedroom. Strange I don't remember closing my door. I shrug it off, and open the door only to have my mouth pop open in shock.

There laying on the bed was Bella, curled up, holding my pillow close to her body, and her other hand stretched across the bed as if she were reaching for me.

I inhaled sharply, my mind racing, not comprehending the situation. Never had I imaged that she would be in my –our- bed tonight.

"Edward, I'm sorry" She murmured in her sleep. I couldn't help but smile, Bella still talked in her sleep. I walked over to the bed, laying down to face her, watching her sleep. Her make up was smudged around her eyes, and her slightly pink nose indicated to me that she was crying.

_What I really meant to say_

_Is I'm dyin' here inside_

_And I miss you more each day_

_There's not a night I haven't cried_

_And baby, here's the truth_

_I'm still in love with you_

_(And, that's what I really meant to say)_

The words from the song echoed through my mind again. I gently reached over brushing her hair out of her face. I loved this woman so much that it nearly killed me, and watching her now just shatters my heart. The fear of her leaving is almost to much to bear.

I sigh softly, gently getting up off the bed, telling my self to let her sleep. I'll just go lay on the couch, and give her the space she wants.

As I prop myself with my hand hers touches mine, interlocking her fingers in mine. I instantly look up at her face to see her looking at me. Her chocolate eyes stained red from crying.

"I'll stay if you stay" She said softly. My heart swells; can she really mean that she's here for ever? I know I shouldn't let myself think that. But I just nod and lay back on the bed.

She comes closer, laying her head on my chest, right back in to were it fit perfectly, almost as if she never left.

"I'm nothing with out you, and I was a fool to think I was." She lifted her head to look at me. "I've always loved you Edward"

I smiled, pulling her to me, gently kissing her lips. "That's what I was going to say" I said softly, my lips moving against hers.

She placed her hand on my heart. "Mine?"

"Yours, only yours. Forever."


End file.
